Songs For The Lonely

whenever i listen to blind melon’s “soul one”, it breaks my heart. i can’t help but wonder, “how lonely was your life, shannon, before you died of overdose?”

whenever i’m depressed, i always listen to the song and pretend it was about me.

how come girl was there when i needed one? how come girl was there when the song is done? some say, open your eyes to a brighter light. okay, open my arms; they were right

other songs that are in my current list are:

2. u2 – one

3. billy joel – vienna waits for you

4. radiohead – fake plastic trees

5. satchel – suffering

6. pink floyd – wish you were here

7. gary jules – mad world

8. nirvana – dumb

9. toad the wet sprocket – crazy life

10. tori amos – spark

p/s: i’ve come to realise that asking people to come up with 10 favourite songs is a rather daunting task, since we tend to listen to certain songs in certain moods. so, instead, what songs do you listen to when you’re down? maybe i can take some of yours when i next feel the blues

Parallel Universe

these pix were taken at coffee zone gadong on the second day of raya. my cousin and i were the only non-white patrons that day. the only clue that we were still in brunei were the people outside the cafe. it was one of those rare moments when i feel like a foreigner at home.

Songs That Make Me Go ‘Yeah’

1. jimi hendrix – foxy lady

2. nirvana – lithium (chorus is pretty self-explanatory)

3. edwin mccain – jesters, dreams & thieves

4. rolling stones – jumping jack flash

5. kenny wayne shepherd – true lies

6. blind melon – galaxie

7. bob dylan – rainy day women nos 12 & 35

8. nofx – perfect government

9. rolling stones – (i can’t get no) satisfaction

10. rem – what’s the frequency, kenneth?

11. britney spears – baby one more time

*ahem*… enough about me, what songs rock your world?

American Dreams

when the US was attacked by terrorists on september 11, 2001, the whole world was at a standstill, including me. while watching the footage on cnn, i thought, “if it could happen to them, it could happen to anyone. no one is safe anymore.” so, i was relieved to hear president bush declare a war on terrorism shortly afterwards.

in hindsight, i should have thought more about what he meant by a “war on terror”, instead of cheering: “way to go, george! it’s about time someone ends this whole terrorist business.”

and when the united states invaded iraq in 2003, i thought, “suit you right, saddam. who asked you to kill those people on 9/11?” meanwhile, the bush adminstration said it would be a fairly straightforward mission. drop a few bombs here, another missile there. get saddam scared enough to surrender. war over; terrorism dead. (strangely enough, i wasn’t the only one who forgot momentarily that osama, instead of saddam, was the head honcho of the al-qaeda network.)

well, three years on, the iraq war is still grabbing headlines across the globe. but, wait, does it remind anyone of that incident in vietnam gazillions of years ago?

when a recent report claimed that 655,000 people have been killed since the invasion, president bush, of course, vehemently denies. and rightfully so. if i were the dude who initiated a war that eventually killed more than half a million of people – and more deaths to come – i wouldn’t want people to start calling me lucifer either. after all, i was supposed to be the world leader that wanted nothing more than saving “millions of american lives” by eliminating the “axis of evil”.

never mind those 2,786 american soldiers that have died in iraq as a result of the operation; they died trying to save “millions of american lives” too. and all those innocent iraqi civilians who have died were probably trying to save “millions of american lives”, though it would have been more polite to, at least, give them a taste of the american dreams before their premature deaths.

so, to keep the ball rolling, president bush signed a bill on tuesday to pass “one of the most important pieces of legislation in the war on terror”, which, to quote AFP, legalises “secret CIA prisons, harsh interrogation practices and military trials as weapons against suspected terrorists”.

suspected terrorists are just as dangerous as their more experienced, i-have-bombed-many-places counterparts. in order to prove they are hardcore, al-qaeda sympathisers, all we need is to beat… err… i mean, obtain a confession from them without having to resort to a “cruel and unusual” method of interrogation.

it is certainly more viable than randomly selecting a country to invade for supposedly possessing weapons of mass destruction. besides, iraq war is still ongoing. and where are those darn nukes, anyway? wait! what’s that noise? sorry, false alarm. it’s just north korea showing off their weapons of mass destruction.

will the bush administration realise their dream? ever? now that they have a more refined counter-terrorism measure, surely, it must mean a step closer to victory, right? i mean, it’s not like president bush ever said “war on terrorists”, which according to BBC’s john humphrys, would “require specific victories such as the capture of Osama bin Laden to justify its existence”.

so, go on now, mr bush. wipe terrorism off the face of the earth. while you’re at it, dump more of ‘em suspicious looking people in your secret CIA prisons and throw ‘em keys away. after all, you once so eloquently said, “it’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.”

Be A Man; Do The Right Thing

as a girl who grew up around guys, i’m used to endless talks about cars, gadgets, computers, and mostly importantly, hot chicks. it’s inevitable that my immediate response to a beautiful girl has always been – and will always be – “hello sexy!”

i’m not bent; just confused. i’ve always tried to meet the array of expectations set by my bro and two cousins. as a teenager, i traded in lessons such as balancing on four-inch heels for playing an electric guitar like slash. while girls my age were learning about different types of skincare regimes, i was dreaming about becoming a blemished stunt driver.

the highlights of my first year in college include winning the indo-mee challenge (two packets more than first runner-up), and being punched by a 100-kg friend on the arm.

the one thing i’ve always stirred clear of is model building. i figure as long as i don’t get sucked into that world, i can retain the last ounce of femininity. so, instead of embracing gunpla such as this:

i’ve opted for a no-brainer kerororobo:

it may not be musculine enough for the likes of my bro and cousin, but a robot is a robot is a robot, right?

Lost For Words

it took me 15 minutes of writing and deleting to come up with this sentence, and the title, changed at least half a dozen times before this horrifying thought hit me: i don’t have anything to say.

i want to write something tonight, that’s for sure. but what about? and how far to go before i give up on this blind persuasion for a concept that just isn’t there?

i haven’t been blogging long, a fact that is in itself frightening. i had thought this whole blogging business was a great way of getting me off of my favourite couch and doing something more productive for a change. instead, i have arrived here – this old familiar place where my muse refuses to come with.

i remember the last song that i wrote; it was march last year. i broke my guitar a few months later, which i attributed to my inability to pen another song. but is it just an excuse? there is a back-up guitar, after all.

although i had made countless attempts at songwriting since then, nothing fruitful ever materialised. the recent attempt lasted exactly six minutes and 23 seconds, and the result:

can today be replaced by tomorrow before tomorrow comes?
can tomorrow be just another day like today or yesterday?
will you take my hand if my hand is busy with pocket change?
will you change the pocket so you can hold my hand today?
do you have the answer?
do you have the answer?

i’m not sure if the verse was my muse’s ever-subtle way of telling me: “hey girl. i ain’t writing for you no more. now, go screw yourself.” or have i been neglecting the “living” bit hence the lack of new insights?

whatever is behind the fog, i have arrived to this conclusion: it is imperative that i make the best of my one-week break in hong kong – do stupid things that you can get away with only if you’re far, far away from home.

so, bye bye people. lizzie signing out…

Letter To A Fair Maiden

dear tele,

i remember the first time i saw you. it was in liverpool on a cold summer day. fate had brought me to you. had i not given in to my friend alan’s insistence to check out this tiny shop, we would never have met.

i should have walked up to you and struck up a conversation. but i was afraid. who was i to believe that i could claim you as mine with my near-empty bank account? instead, i watched as others touched you with their filthy hands; and i died a little with each second that passed.

since then, i had returned to the shop sporadically and watched you from a distance. i thought, someday she will be mine. but that day never came, did it?

you disappeared before i had a chance to prove my love to you. you disappeared without a goodbye. where are you now, my fair maiden? are you being treated kindly by the man who claims to love you? or are you dreaming of a better life?

i have since met many that remind me of you, but i know i can never love them the way i love you.

so, if you’re reading this, please remember that somewhere out there, there is a girl whose love for you is pure.

yours forever,

lizzie

Woohoo… Outcast Genius!

my cousin took the test recently and got “pure geek”. so i thought i’d give it a try. i always thought i was a nerd. but hey, with this result, i’m not complaining!

the “rule the world” bit is a tad dramatic. genius? unless whoever designed the test meant academic achievements. outcast? that i am. i have a total of four friends in this country, including my bro and cousin. however if i included everyone who reads my blog from time to time, it would expand my social circle exponentially though…

Outcast Genius
(82 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 60% Dork)

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in all three, earning you the title of: Outcast Genius.

Outcast geniuses usually are bright enough to understand what society wants of them, and they just don’t care! They are highly intelligent and passionate about the things they know are *truly* important in the world. Typically, this does not include sports, cars or make-up, but it can on occassion (and if it does then they know more than all of their friends combined in that subject).

Outcast geniuses can be very lonely, due to their being outcast from most normal groups and too smart for the room among many other types of dorks and geeks, but they can also be the types to eventually rule the world, ala Bill Gates, the prototypical Outcast Genius.

Bunuh Ku Sudah

i know, i know. it doesn’t make much sense. let’s rephrase then: kill me already!

i was supposed to start my 10-day leave, like, right now. instead i’m going to work tomorrow today because i just couldn’t let go of the fact that it’ll be a very busy day, and we are short of staff. i volunteered to work another day to ease others’ workloads, when i should be reading them books i bought from amazon more than a year ago. now i don’t even recognise half the paperbacks that allegedly tickled my fancy once upon a time.

daniel ellsberg’s “secrets”?

vietnam? war?

augusten burroughs’ “running with scissors”?

anything to do with tailors?

simon singh’s “the code book”?

oh dear, i’m into codes?

drive time spanish (no wait… sorry, that ain’t a book)

como esta? donde esta es mi hermano? que pasa? tengo que ir ahora….

Like… Really?

i came across this magazine article about people who abused the word “like”. after telling my best friend about it, we decided it would be fun to squeeze as many ‘like’s as we could into one sentence. and we did so for the next few hours.

just a harmless game, right?

wrong.

it’s been more than a year since that fateful night. what began as a joke has turned into a full-blown disease, catapulting our speech to a whole new low.

it’s annoyingly convenient. can’t think of a word? simply replace it with a “like”, and let it fade off. want the sentence to last longer? use two or three or (heck!) 82 of ‘em. “it’s like everytime like i was like at work like, the boss just like gives me like so much like to do… like?”

if we were still in primary school or knew no one else who spoke english, our limited vocabulary would have been a non-issue. but instead this self-induced speech impediment is detrimental to the quality of ties long forged with others. the overabuse of “like” has led people – from family members to close friends to not-so-close friends to uncle and auntie chua who live next door – to second-guess our moderate intelligence.

the three-million-dollar question, however, is: can we put a stop to it before it progresses into something worse, something uglier such as – heaven forbid – waking up to find ourselves unable to speak a word of english the next day?

the answer, i certainly hope, is not 42.