Only Six Degrees Of Separation?

in small towns, everybody knows everybody else; that’s what everybody says. brunei is not exactly a small town… more like a small country. so i thought, perhaps, the rule might not apply… at least not quite so literally.

of course, like almost everything else in my belief system, i was proven wrong once again.

a couple of days ago, my buddy terrence asked, “wanna meet new people?”. so i met this bunch of people, one of whom was talking incessantly about “jo”. from what i gathered, she just broke up with this girl, and was bitter about getting dumped. fair enough. then came “josephine” from “KB” who was “bisexual”. wait a minute… JOSEPHINE? HURRICANE JOSEPHINE WHO TURNED MY BEST-EST COUSIN’S WORLD UPSIDE DOWN?!?

just like that, i found myself walking down memory lane, remembering all those months of hell when fred dated her. he would be down in a dump after being belittled for his hair or fashion sense or job or personality or socks. and i would pick him up only to have her crush his self-worth the next day, if not the next minute via the ever-popular SMS.

then came the realisation that in the midst of her lies, including her supposed new zealander accent and a degree in rocket science, she did tell one truth. she really was bisexual. damn!

fast forward an hour, and i was outside the cafe smoking with terrence and he said, “do you know your new friend is not your new friend? you added her on facebook a few weeks ago.”

i did? but why would a facebook whore like me add a stranger? i mean, i only have 299 friends to date and about 97% of them are not my friends in real life. who does that, right?

so came this epiphany. in a country as small as brunei, there’s no such thing as six degrees of separation. “it’s more like two, ” said terrence.

and he was not wrong… for all we know, you could be my uncle’s best friend’s cousin’s daughter’s boyfriend’s sister…

p/s: miss jo’s real name has been changed, given the risk of her stumbling upon this blog. and she’s not a rocket scientist, either. that was exaggerated solely for dramatic effect.

Click The Clique

i don’t know if it’s the alignment of the planets being a bit off; a lot of my friends are questioning: “who are my real friends?” and with that, reshuffling of their social circles. and it’s all done in an impressively systematic manner. do you we still share the same life goal? do we have similar opinions about people in general? do you like the same food? are we all cat people?

watching people cross out the unqualified is fun, until you realise your name has been crossed out too.

the problem with cliques, which occur among girls more than guys, is there is no explanation, no warning. by the time it hits you, they have long found a replacement.

so, while everyone is busy weeding out those no longer fit for “our group”, i’m finding myself a solitary hobby

Guy & Girl Falling Slowly

i know, i know. it was released in 2006. but i’ve been living under a rock, astro-deprived and all. so, i only got to watch it a week ago.

what makes the otherwise overly-simple movie stand out, for me, is the musical nature of it. maybe i’ve been plagued by the whole life-imitate-art epidemic. i’d like to believe that there’s a song to every crisis situation i’ve been in, though some instances are a tad tricky, such as the anger and disappointment i felt when my favourite dog destroyed my favourite, limited-edition nike sneakers. i bet if there were a song for that, i wouldn’t have cried as much as i did.

while the best known song in the movie is “falling slowly”, i find “say it to me now” more interesting, perhaps due to the less common open e tuning.

and if you, little miss trouble, is reading this, you might find comfort in the song

and i’m trying hard to work it out. and so much has gone misunderstood. this mystery only leads to doubt. and i’m looking for a sign. in this dark uneasy time. so if you have something to say. say it to me now…

CNY Without The Bang

i know it’s too soon to say, since chinese new year only starts tomorrow. but i have a feeling it’s gonna be bloody uneventful. i’m so cynical that a) i didn’t shop for new clothes, b) i was half-hearted about spring cleaning, and c) the living room is still a mess.

maybe it has something to do with age – the older you get, the less you are inclined to celebrate anything.

i sure hope it wouldn’t be as mundane this year. so, whoever is capable of surprising me, surprise me within the next 15 days.

and to all CNY celebrants, happy new year

87 Pounds Of Happiness

my best friend lyn announced last night that her new year’s resolution for 2008 – like those in the previous years – is to lose respectable amount of weight. she figures that since guys go for skinny chicks, then being skinny is the ultimate way of attracting their attention.

it got me thinking how common it is among us girls to believe that skinny equals beautiful. “lose weight and secure yourself a boyfriend” for the single. or “how are you gonna squeeze into the wedding gown if you don’t start dieting now?” for brides-to-be. or “better not let yourself go or your hubby is gonna cheat on you” for the married.

the truth is, our ideal is probably screwed. my college best buddy chris, for one, has always preferred girls with “a bit of meat”. same goes for my brother who finds it a turn-on when her girlfriend attacks a massive plate of pasta like a savage beast. and thousands upon millions upon billions of guys out there who hate the skinny, or at least that’s what i’ve been told.

so, now the questions become: why do we measure ourselves against celebrities of tinseltown? is the media to blame for making 87-pound stick figures look so damn glamorous? or are we to blame for mistaking skinniness for guaranteed popularity?

What’s With ‘Today’ Today?

lately, it seems everyone is going through some changes in life. what’s up with these past few months, anyway? is there a mystical explanation as to why we are faced with such ultimatum all at the same time? take the old familiar road or the one less travelled?

death card comes to mind when i think of our little situation. in tarot, death is not all sinister, unlike what most people think. it’s about sacrificing “your old world, your old self… it is the only way to be reborn. a new sun is rising, and it is… a time of great transformation”.

while a part of my life is falling into place, another part is crumbling before my eyes. i’m more sentiment than i let on. so, leaving a part of myself in favour of new beginnings – whatever that means – is frightening.

i’ve been reading tarot for others who are seeking an answer or a guide or something. funny that, cos on top of being a non-believer, i feel it’s better not to know than to know. it’s all about distraction, after all; confronting my problems doesn’t mesh well with the masterplan i’ve devised to distant myself from myself.

while running away has always worked well for me, i wonder if i should carry on like this. sure, it’s a wonderful way to cope, to pretend nothing is wrong. life goes on… yada, yada, yada… but sooner or later, anyone is bound to reach a stage where the mind says, “i can’t take this shit anymore. now go fuck yourself!”

i’m scared… but i guess it’s time to grow up…

Read On If You Must

nonnie got tagged, and decided to tag EVERYONE!!!

so, here goes:

1. A person is only as good as … his/her attitude towards life.

2. Friendship is always … interesting.

3. To love is to … trust.

4. Money makes me … feel like spending more.

5. I miss … not knowing what responsibility is.

6. My way of saying I care is by … being super retarded.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by … donating to peta.

8. Pick the flowers when … you feel like sneezing.

9. To love someone is to … accept that person almost 100%.

10. Beauty is … whatever you want it to be.

11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was … i was finally a teenager.

12. When I was twenty one, I remember … i had a choice between being a kid or a grown-up.

13. I am most happy when … i’m getting tattooed.

14. Nothing makes me happier than … getting more tattoos.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change… nothing at all.

16. If smiles were … fake, then I … would pretend to smile too.

17. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could… just get along?

18. If you want to … be happy, then you have to … look within.

19. Money is not everything but… it can buy me loads of candles and a guild acoustic.

20. The most touching moments I have experienced is … knowing people care.

21. I smile when … i feel like smiling.

22. When I am happy, I … turn into a chatterbox.

23. If only I don’t have to … work, then … i’ll sleep like a log.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was … hanging out with my buddies.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title, “goths are not violent“

26. One thing I must do before I die is … write the ultimate song… whatever that is…

27. Doing this meme, I feel like … i should stop visiting nonnie’s blog just in case she decides to tag everyone again.

THE PERSON I WANT TO TAG: whoever wants to be tagged, really…

Soul One

“The thing about soul mate is that you feel like you’ve known each other forever, though it could have only been hours,” said my best friend Lyn.

I once knew this dude who said I was his soul mate. But to me, he was just Tom, a good pal. Years back, he called me from the US, just before he got hitched. The conversation itself wasn’t long, and I’ll never forget it.

He said, “I may love this girl that I’m marrying, but she can never replace you, because you are my soul mate; she’s not.”

It got me confused because all this while, people had said, “Find a soul mate. Marry that person.” Since I was Tom’s soul mate, shouldn’t he be asking me instead? (It’s a good thing he didn’t though. He really was just a buddy.)

So, when Lyn brought up the subject of soul mates, I thought to myself, “I once had a soul mate… I think.”

But of course, Tom probably wasn’t my soul mate, neither was I his. After all, there has to be a mutual understanding of the sacred bond. In me and Tom’s case, it wasn’t.

Here comes the next question: How many soul mates will you meet in a lifetime? 56? 4,232?

To an idealist, I guess the answer is 1. Given that it is so darn sacred, it would be silly to think if you missed the last one, it’s cool, there’s always a few more all lined up, waiting to meet you.

A League Of Our Own

“do you really date within our own league?” asks jazzmoney in his blog. to me, the more pressing question is: how often do we really date within our own league?

the word “league” makes me think of not just wealth and looks, but personality and maturity. it’s easy to be sucked into the world where it’s all a matter of what the society perceives as a good pairing. “he’s cute, you’re cute. he’s rich, you’re rich. you guys should get married!”

i’m not saying looks aren’t important. no, no, no. ideally, i’d date the best-est looking dude in the country. even better, the best-est looking dude with the deepest pocket. that’s the perfect world; we all want that. but let’s be realistic here. a rich, good looking person with zero sense of humour and a mind of a five-year-old ain’t gonna make anyone happy, at least not in the long run.

similarly, a lot of us have been drawn to the rocker, the artist or the broken for they are just plain cool in a i’m-drowning-in-my-pain sorta way. most of them are what the society perceives as “useless”. art doesn’t bring home the bacon; a real job does. while they may not be the most attractive people out there, they are desirable nonetheless. whether it works depends mainly on what the person is looking for in a partner…

… which brings me to the next question: if we are all aware of our level of attractiveness and wealth, and find a boyfriend/girlfriend accordingly, wouldn’t that restrict us to a very small pool of people – given that it’s *important* to date within our own league?

personally, i’ve dated just about any kind of guys out there – the rich, the poor, the musician, the overly-ambitious, the child and the adult. if i were at all aware of my “league” at those times, then i must have been quite a confused little soul…

Likes Me… Likes Me Not…

i was hanging out with a bunch of new friends, when the subject of romanticism came up. one guy was all for “actions speak louder than words”, but unfortunately, he was met with his strongest opposition. and the conversation turned somewhat heated.

“i’ll only believe a guy likes me if he tells me straight,” she said.

“a guy can tell you he likes you, but it doesn’t mean he does,” he said.

“if he really likes me, he’ll make sure i know it. and the only way is to utter those words.”

“if he likes you, you’ll know by the way he treats you, or acts around you.”

“a girl needs to hear ‘i like you’. only an arrogant person would believe that when a guy treats her well, it means he like her.”

“when a guy likes a girl, he tends to treat her better than he treats other people.”

“fine, then. maybe flowers?”

“yeah, like giving flowers means anything…”

“hey, lizzie. you like it when guys give you flowers, don’t you?”

errr…..

personally, i hate flowers; i’m allergic to them. so, i’m a little biased. but, what’s your take?